off to tioman in less than 5 hours, just got back from supper with the charfenedwinmatthew(: and i'm full and content..and i ought to be packing now.
just thought i might update my blog before i leave for the next 3 days.
the microb pro-s didn't go well for me at all, i'm left wondering what's to become of me, and whether i'm going to make it through. of course i pray that it will all work out in the end, and i hope that i won't have to go for viva-s, much less sit for the supp paper. i'll find out next week, and whilst i feel like i should be taking precautionary measures, somehow you find me running off for the weekend.
i think the past one and a half weeks have rightfully been the most stressful period of my life. what made it hard was not only the incredible amount of knowledge that i felt incapable of attaining, but also the fact that time was passing so very fast, and my confidence was draining with every passing day. stress indeed makes me an unhappy person, it brings out the side of me that nobody is used to, not even myself. thankfully i have friends who care around me, the ones who were not going through the same thing as me were more than sympathetic and i owe you guys a lot.
and then i ask myself, am i frustrated because this is not what i imagined myself to be going through, or am i frustrated because i feel like i'm suddenly not capable enough? and then the inevitable and crushing questions come, like is this really the path for me, will i make it through this and come out a success?
i don't want to be an incompetent doctor, and i would have no right to be surprised if this exam turns out to be my biggest downfall, or at least the first downfall that would have had such great consequence. and this i know, that when the results are out, and if things go my way i will never forget the way i now feel and the way i felt one week ago. and if things don't go my way, i pray i will have the strength to keep my chin up and press on.
but then again, after all, these are only words and the truth can be devastating.
and i will have only myself to blame, cos unlikely or not, i realise that i've always made my own decisions.
even though i might be a failure, i know i have people rooting for me. and maybe that's what keeps me going.
i hope that when i next blog, i'll have happier things to write about.
just thought i might update my blog before i leave for the next 3 days.
the microb pro-s didn't go well for me at all, i'm left wondering what's to become of me, and whether i'm going to make it through. of course i pray that it will all work out in the end, and i hope that i won't have to go for viva-s, much less sit for the supp paper. i'll find out next week, and whilst i feel like i should be taking precautionary measures, somehow you find me running off for the weekend.
i think the past one and a half weeks have rightfully been the most stressful period of my life. what made it hard was not only the incredible amount of knowledge that i felt incapable of attaining, but also the fact that time was passing so very fast, and my confidence was draining with every passing day. stress indeed makes me an unhappy person, it brings out the side of me that nobody is used to, not even myself. thankfully i have friends who care around me, the ones who were not going through the same thing as me were more than sympathetic and i owe you guys a lot.
and then i ask myself, am i frustrated because this is not what i imagined myself to be going through, or am i frustrated because i feel like i'm suddenly not capable enough? and then the inevitable and crushing questions come, like is this really the path for me, will i make it through this and come out a success?
i don't want to be an incompetent doctor, and i would have no right to be surprised if this exam turns out to be my biggest downfall, or at least the first downfall that would have had such great consequence. and this i know, that when the results are out, and if things go my way i will never forget the way i now feel and the way i felt one week ago. and if things don't go my way, i pray i will have the strength to keep my chin up and press on.
but then again, after all, these are only words and the truth can be devastating.
and i will have only myself to blame, cos unlikely or not, i realise that i've always made my own decisions.
even though i might be a failure, i know i have people rooting for me. and maybe that's what keeps me going.
i hope that when i next blog, i'll have happier things to write about.
posted by nita at
1:22 AM
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