After such a long hiatus, I'm finally driven to share my thoughts again. So many things have happened since my last entry.

Tanzania was the most amazing overseas experience of my life, I think it changed me. And it's changed my perspective of people. For the longest time, I've owed this blog an update about Tanzania, and then so many things happened after the trip that left me too caught up - emotions really ran high and low in July/August. Well that's for another time, maybe.

But now I feel the need to mark this revelation I've just made about myself with a post. The reason why I procrastinate so much, and the reason why I am unable to deal with conflict well is because, I fear confrontation. This fear translates into every part of my life. With regards to relationships, I hate confrontations so I avoid them, until things build up and it's just too much to handle, and then when things blow up I avoid them again, because it's easier that way, to leave things swept under the bed. Even with regards to schoolwork - the reason why I leave things to the end is because in my mind I've already classified it as something unpleasant to be done, a chore, something difficult. It's always so much easier to tell myself, I'll deal with it later, and it'll be so much better.

And for the umpteenth time, this flaw has unleashed itself, and this time I'm not getting away with it so easily. Which is possibly why it's been so difficult to accept. Think my cgmates are right, I did need something like this to wake me up. I'm not sure if I agree that I need to be punished for this, because I feel like I've already given myself a hard time about it, but I guess that's not up to me to decide. Hopefully things don't get worse than they already are.
And I'm such a freak with confrontation that I even avoid dealing with my own emotions.

So there you have it. I have a problem. I need a solution. I'm working on it.

It's also times like these where you start to evaluate the people you thought you knew so well. I guess the theme of this phase in life, is that everybody's changing, even you, even me.

I think it's a bit alarming that I'm leaving for Tanzania in less than a week now, and I'm not quite yet in the right mindset of packing and prep-ing for the trip. This has gotta be the most packed week of my 8 weeks of Orthopaedics posting, despite only having to go down to AH on tuesday and NUH on friday for my exam.

But there's training for the Kilimanjaro climb (no more group trainings this week), then there's studying for the two components of my end-of-posting test, the first of which is on Tuesday 2pm (I really hope I get a good familiar long case - reminder to self to read up about DM foot), and the MCQs on Friday which is not as scary because at least there's a pile of questions to practise with, and there's also one more case write-up that I need to do by the 30th (ideally on Tuesday night/Wed morning), and there's hanging out with Kamya who's back for a short stint and leaving this Thursday, and then there's shopping specifically for the trip and packing (I need to buy gloves, a travel waist wallet, my focus dailies and miscellaneous, plus change money to USD).

OMG no time no time!! Plus I owe a couple of people dinner/supper and my family a dinner cos I'm missing my mom's birthday on 2nd of June.

HOW? I have no idea. Things will fall into place. Key thing I really need to do by tmr will be sign the contract, scan it and send it to my Kili climb company.

In other news I have been having a good time, and my weekend was packed but productive though not with regards to mugging - oh crap, I remember that I also need to drive down to CGH to submit the time sheet for the tutors.

I have a feeling the next time I post I would be back from The Most Anticipated trip thus far!
Ugh, just realised I also promised my tuition kid I'll do up notes on Group VII elements.

OMG kill me now. I should really go mug, because I will feel most pathetic if Tuesday does not go well. Goodnight and goodbye internet! (Until I come back to print the practise MCQs.)

PhotoblogPost!
Here's Team Kili plus Our Official Trainer Claudia plus friendly friends! I've only got photos from a couple of the trainings at MacRitchie, so I'm missing the training at Vigilante Drive with Terence, and the other training with Marian. Will combine photos with the rest soon.
I love the post-hike feeling of being drenched in your own sweat. It is sweet. and rewarding.


The picture on the top left is us after our very first training at MacRitchie. First time using double poles to trek. The shot isn't so good cos we got an old man to take it, and I guess he wasn't very digicam-familiar. Check out our sweatyness! And the photo on it's right is from the latest training. The other 3 guys couldn't make it. And the rest below are from one of the middle trainings! Check out Jon and his manly blister. And soaked Kumaran. And Tousif and the girls on the TREE! Happy shots :)

Finally bought my hiking shoes! Presenting to you, the Columbia Packus Ridge Omni-Tech!

Not cheap, but not too expensive, it was on sort of a sale. It passed Claudia's phone evaluation and it's pretty comfortable and it seemed to fit the general guidelines of internet sites I'd searched previously for help in choosing hiking shoes, so I think it'll suit it's purpose! Hope so (: Just hope the size is right, if not I'll have to bring it back to change it in the next week or so. Will walk around home in it meanwhile and risk looking obsessive.
Here's a more professional picture of it:

Psychiatry posting now!
Hypnotism and the works. More to dwell about, experienced group hypnotism today. I guess it doesn't really work for me yet, got to get more used to the idea of letting someone dictate my thoughts. Think that's the first time and possibly the last time we'd have a tutorial like that. Hypnotism has so much potential in the medical world. He showed us a video of this study that was done, where they performed face lift surgery without general anesthesia, using hypnotism instead to block out the pain. Imagine someone lifting your face off, and you feeling absolutely zero pain! It worked on all but 18 patients (who had to switch to GA), out of 3000ish patients. Lots of more interesting hypnotism stories! By far one of the most impressionable tutorials, if only because it was so beyond the normal spectrum of things we hear about.

Fell sick on Saturday, with a psychotically high fever, which was most out of the blue and energy zapping. Been a long time since I've felt that sick. Still some remnants of illness, but I'm quite okay. As a result, missed all the finals of Boulder on Sunday - tragiiiccc, and also have not been exercising since the vigorous frisbee in the sand on Friday.

Appetite is back full force, as is the energy. Mom bought me a sudoku book. It's incredibly difficult!!

I'm in a very peaceful mood tonight.
I'm in love! And he's only 17.

Happy CNY all!!

It's the festive season in Singapore again, somehow this year it seems more festive than previous years though I visited less people.
It's also study break for now, exams at the end of Feb, two more weeks! That is massively scary. I am way behind schedule, continually distracted by potential June holiday plans, thoughts of electives next year, and more appealing activities like exercising and hanging out.
Have been running more! But somehow I've also been eating more which somewhat negates the effects. Nevermind, at least we're on our way to our half marathon Fen!

Need to resume my vigorous mugging trends. Time to sleep, on a full stomach ackk!